How to deal with anxious or controlling clients

You are working hard on behalf of your client. 

You are doing everything expected of you – plus a little more, because that’s the way you roll. It’s going to be tough, but you know you’ll deliver on time. You’re in flow. You’ve got this. 

But then the phone calls start. The emails pile up. The client is suddenly messaging you on every channel, interrupting your workflow. 

They are anxious. They want an update (or ten). And they would like to see what you have done already. They’re hovering over your shoulder while you try to work – even if only virtually. And they’re taking so much of your time that you might miss the delivery date after all.

We all have energy-sapping clients like this. 

Our tendency is to blame them. To see them as controlling, needy, micro-managing, just plain annoying. And it’s important to set boundaries, rules to protect the deep, creative work that they are employing you to do. 

When people book you, it’s worth setting some rules. Here’s one of mine: “I never respond to messages in the mornings, because that’s my deep work time.” 

You might put an autoresponder on your email saying that you only pick up emails once or twice a day so that you can focus fully on your work, but that you will always reply within 24 hours.

But you also have to take responsibility. 

If this happens to you regularly, it might be worth considering – is this about your communication? (Or rather your lack of it.)  You know that you’re working hard and that the job is progressing. But did you share that information with them? 

When there’s an information vacuum, fear tends to rush in to fill the gap. 

By ghosting the client, you’re feeding their worst fears: is this freelancer working on the project at all? Have they vanished with my deposit? What will I do if they fail to deliver? 

As a magazine editor, this happened to me a lot. 

I’d commission a freelancer to do a story. They’d agree. And then they’d go incommunicado. I didn’t know if they’d ever got on the plane, if the interview/photo session had happened. 

Were they not replying to my queries because they were working hard on my story? Or because they got kidnapped by aliens, had a crisis, or a breakdown? I didn’t know if they’d ever deliver the story or pictures at all – let alone on time. 

This is a recipe for anxiety. 

When you have a tight deadline, a limited budget and a potential six-page hole in your magazine, it’s terrifying. So you end up chasing, checking, desperately seeking reassurance. 

This takes time. It takes energy. It causes worry and sleepless nights. So next time, you choose a professional. Someone who stays in touch. 

You don’t have to write a long progress report to keep your clients in the loop. And you certainly don’t need to explain or justify everything you’re doing. They’ve usually hired you to do the job so that they don’t have to think too much about it.

A quick update is all that’s needed. 

I learned a lot from being on both sides of this. When I went back to freelance writing after staff jobs on magazines, I would send a series of very short emails while working on a feature:

• Confirmation that the story was all set up, with travel dates, interview times, any variables clearly laid out. Plus the fee, for clarity. 
• A quick message just before I set out, to say I’m on my way to the interview/story. (If I did this from the airport, it also reminds the editor that I’m about to fly to LA, so they don’t panic if they aren’t able to contact me for 11 hours.)
• A message after the interview/reporting, to say it had gone smoothly, and confirming the deadline.
• If there were expenses to claim, I did this before delivering my story, while everyone was still excited and it had their full attention. If you leave it too long, they’ll be working on new projects and your invoice will inevitably go to the bottom of the pile.
• I’d transcribe the interview or write up my notes as soon as possible. Then if I felt the story warranted more space, I could advocate for that. Things tend to get less flexible the closer you get to the deadline.
• A quick note a couple of days before the agreed delivery date, to reassure my editor that it was progressing. If I had suggestions for supplementary images they might want to find to illustrate the feature, I’d include these here.
• After delivery, if I was likely to be busy or travelling for a new story when they had editing notes for me, I’d give them a clear schedule so they’d know when I’d be able to make the changes they needed.
• A thank-you note after publication. If the editing, the headline, the layout or the photography had been particularly good, I’d say that. Those are the things that elevate what I’ve written into something much more special. Yet the people who work hard on it rarely get praised for it.
• If I had any further ideas for that editor, I’d follow up quickly. The best time to pitch something new, or offer a follow-on service is immediately after you’ve done a good job!

Your milestones will be different. 

But if you go through your workflow in a typical job, they’ll be there. Notice when clients tend to get anxious or start to chase you or ask a lot more questions. Is there any information you could give them before that typically happens, to set their mind at rest? 

As an example, here are two links I include when setting up an introductory coaching session with a new client: what to expect from this session, and why I charge for it.

At the start of each job, you need an on-boarding process that walks a new client gently through booking, contracts, gives them all the information they need to feel reassured, and gets the information you need from them to move forward. 

Throughout, you’ll need to give them plenty of notice and clear guidelines if you need anything from them. 

At the end, you need some sort of sign-off process to check they got what they needed, you get paid promptly. If you enjoyed working with them, you’ll also perhaps schedule a chat, see if there’s any new work they need. 

More examples of information you might offer:

• A photographer might create a series of PDFs they can email to clients or blog posts they can link to, explaining how to get the most out of a session with them, what to expect on the day, and why the editing process afterwards takes time.
• A web designer might have a checklist of copy, visuals, information they need for each stage of the process, with clear deadlines and guidelines for exactly what’s needed.
• If you sell art, crafts, physical products, you need a clear customer journey that acknowledges a new order immediately, then tells your buyer how long they need to wait for their item to be created/delivered, how it will be packed and sent, what guarantees you offer.

Don’t have time for this? 

Keep a note of the bottlenecks in your process, or the times when clients or customers often seem to get anxious or complain. Then make time to set up systems to deal with these problems before they arise. Block out an hour, a morning, a day to get it done. 

This might mean setting stronger boundaries, clearer communication, better follow-up and reminders, creating email or booking automations. Remember that this will save you hours and days in future and make your working life easier, because it will reduce interruptions while the client chases you, or long waits for a key piece of information you need from them. 

It will also make you look more professional, make the client feel informed and cared for at every stage, and build trust. And we all tend to prefer working with people who we like and trust, who make our own job or life easier. 

Keep it simple. 

You can have templates for this, standard text that you tweak to fit. You don’t need to check in daily. And you don’t need a lot of detail. 

You’re just letting your client know that you’re working on their project, and giving them plenty of time to deliver anything you might need from them. 

You’re making them feel they’re in safe hands. And if their boss asks for a status update, they’ll have it instantly. Everyone wins. 

When should you send updates? 

In a recent newsletter, the brilliant Freelancing Females offered these useful general guidelines:

• The Friday Afternoon Wrap-Up. Send this around 2-4pm on Friday. It lets your client enter the weekend knowing everything is on track, and it stops them from texting you frantic questions on Saturday morning.
• The Monday Morning Game Plan. If you’re in the middle of an intense, fast-moving job, a quick three-bullet email on Monday morning sets the intention for the week.
• The Mid-Milestone Check-In. On longer projects (big design project, a book, film or or a multi-month marketing campaign), send a quick update right at the halfway mark of each phase, even if no action is required from them.

It’s not always you. Sometimes it is them.

Some clients just aren’t a good fit. If they’re still anxious or controlling after you’ve set clear boundaries and you know you’re communicating clearly, perhaps they’re not for you. 

All of us have some people we work with who just drain the life out of us. Apply the 80/20 rule here. Assess your roster, and you’ll often find that a small number of clients or jobs take up a disproportionate amount of your time, energy and attention. 

Some clients always want a rush job, never send you the information you need, change their minds constantly worry non-stop and do nothing but criticise when they get the finished work. 

Consider letting go of these.

If you can afford to do this quickly, simply tell them at the end of your next job/contract/commission that you no longer have the capacity for more. Then use the time and energy that frees to find people you do enjoy working with. 

If you need to find a new income source before letting go of the old one, make that a priority. Finding a new client or outlet takes time, energy and persistence. 

But it’s so much better than working with a client whose calls and messages you dread, and who dominates your working day no matter what else you have on. 

Next time, I’ll talk about the opposite problem. 

What to do when a client ghosts you, failing to send information/deliverables you need, disappearing half-way through a job. Or worse still, they stop communicating as soon as you request payment. 

And if you have a business problem you’d like advice on, do send it to me. I read every message. 

I’m no Yoda, and I don’t always have the answers. But if I do have help or resources to share, I’m always happy to do that in this newsletter. 

Or you could join my 10-week course on growing your creative business, where we can talk about it in more detail. Next one starts on October 6.