I’ve been feeling tired recently.
Partly, it’s because I’ve just launched a book. Partly, it was that several clients who had put coaching on hold during the crisis all wanted to resume at once, making my schedule a little tighter than I’d normally like.
But mainly – and I’m going to shout this next bit because it’s really important – WE’VE ALL BEEN THROUGH GRIEF AND TRAUMA.
The last few months have been tough, on everyone. Emotionally. Physically. Financially. And all sorts of other ways. But now we’re coping with something else.
The Great Pause of 2020 was not followed by any kind of reset. And I think we need that.
We need to process all that has happened.
Instead, we’re expected to pretend that life is returning to normal. But there is nothing normal at all about wearing masks on the bus, getting your hair cut by someone wearing gloves and a plastic face shield, or being told that it’s our patriotic duty to go shopping, eat out and down a pint. Just so long as we keep our distance from anyone else out doing the same thing.
So go out, but stay in. Get back to work, but still do it from home, if you can. Maybe. Wear a mask, but don’t. Use your common sense, but with no clear guidelines.
The virus is still spreading. People are still dying. But there’s nothing to see here, move on. It’s time to get the economy moving again.
Is it any wonder that we’re feeling stressed?
Over the past few weeks, I’ve talked to lots of people who are feeling extra-weary. A client in London who did her first job in Paris says that on her return, she felt jet-lagged. (The time difference between the UK and France is just an hour.)
She works in fashion, so the journey is one she’s done regularly, for years. Yet nothing was the same. Everything, from getting across London then Paris to the logistics of a socially distanced fashion shoot required a level concentration and thought above and beyond normal.
Another client did her first freelance design job in months. Even getting the materials she needed was a logistical nightmare. Her parents normally help with childcare, but her father is over 70, has diabetes and is recovering from cancer. Her six-year-old wanted to know if he could hug them yet. And when she went to oversee the construction part of the job, there was no social distancing, and she was the only person in a mask.
“I thought I’d love being back at work,” she said. “But I’m really stressed out and snappy. What is wrong with me?”
There is nothing wrong with her, or anyone else. But we all need to acknowledge that our world has been turned upside-down. And that we need to do a reset, after this long pause.
Allow more recovery time.
If you’re travelling, even if it’s a journey you did hundreds of times before March 2020, it’s now going to be slower, harder, and require more thought. It will be different. You will be tired. And if you’re travelling for work, that will probably be different, too.
So give yourself a break. Literally. You’ll recover far faster if you rest.
Do your own reset.
Put some time aside to sit with a journal and write about what lockdown meant, for you. What you’ve learned. How you’ve grown.
What did you miss the most? Who did you miss the most? (And have you told them?)
How have your priorities shifted?
What do you want to keep, from this time? And what are you ready to let go of?
How did it feel to have more time and less money?
Did you find any new skills, interests or hobbies during lockdown? Will you keep doing them?
Did you find yourself buying less, spending less? If so, how did that feel?
If this was a difficult time for you, financially, or you’re worried about losing your job in the next few months, what could you do to feel more resilient in future? Did you cut back on expenses during lockdown, and could you keep that up for a while, to build more savings? Or could you start a side-hustle or create some new income streams, besides your main job?
The new normal.
What I’ve heard, again and again from friends and clients during this time is how little many of us want to go back to the old normal. Not completely.
We’ve seen what it’s like when there’s less traffic on the roads, less pollution in the air. And we liked it.
Some of us enjoyed long, lazy weekends without endless social engagements or activities. We loved family meals around the table, with everyone pitching in with the cooking or clearing. We loved replacing the rush to work with a morning run. And perhaps we realised we don’t need to be constantly buying new stuff.
We’ve realised how connected we all are, how inter-dependent. And we’ve learned to appreciate teachers and delivery drivers, supermarket staff and health workers. Perhaps we’ve also learned to be a little kinder.
People who had always dreamed of working from home have found they miss the casual social interactions they never really appreciated in the office before. Others found they are happier and more productive at home and they don’t want to go back. I didn’t realise how important it was to me to write in a coffee shop, surrounded by the bustle of strangers, until I could no longer do it. I’ve had to find other ways of getting out of the house sometimes, and near (but not too close) to other people.
Everyone’s new normal will be different. But we should do all we can to keep some of what we’ve loved and learned in this strange time. And to be grateful for the people, places and activities we’ve missed most.
Some of us will be rushing back to the gym, the pool, the museums, the cinemas and bars as soon as they open. Others will be more cautious.
We need to try to be tolerant and considerate, because everyone has their own struggles, their own risk factors, their own journeys to make through this.
This has been a really difficult time.
And no matter how hard our leaders pretend it’s all over, I think most of us know, deep down, that there’s a way to go yet.
We need to adapt, to recover, to heal. And at the risk of sounding bleak, to also prepare for a possible second wave, this winter.
That takes time. It takes effort. So take care of yourself. Be aware you’ll need more rest, more down-time, more time to replenish, even after doing things that were once routine. This too shall pass. But pretending it never happened, that it still isn’t happening, helps none of us.
What do you think?