One of the things I love about self-employment: having long stretches of time alone to get into flow with my work without interruptions, pointless meetings, small talk and office politics.
After years of struggling to concentrate in open-plan newspaper and magazine offices, it’s bliss. Most of the time. But no matter how productive you are working from home, it can be lonely.
Even if you’re an introvert, there comes a point when you realise you don’t want to spend all of your days in splendid isolation. Now that many of us are working from home permanently or settling into new hybrid ways of working, we’re realising that we do sometimes need other people.
We miss office banter, a casual invitation out to lunch or a drink after work. Or just seeing other people doing the same job, and learning from them. We suddenly yearn to share some industry gossip, to hear what’s going on in our field, to celebrate wins and mourn losses with people who really understand what that means.
Working from home doesn’t have to be lonely. But you do need to make a conscious effort to connect.
Here’s how.
1. Build a brilliant social life outside of work.
We don’t get to choose our work colleagues. But we do get to choose our friends. Make sure you see them, regularly. If you don’t feel you have enough good, supportive friends, it’s never too late to make new ones. Or to find new ways to connect with old ones.
- Work out with friends. Go to exercise classes, or play team sports.
- Join a class and learn a new skill.
- Start a book club, a life-drawiing group, an open mic night: some way of connecting with creative people who share your interests.
- If you have children, socialise with other parents. (Especially parents who understand what it’s like to have a deadline, and might help with the school pick-up, or offer play dates when you’re up against it.)
- Develop absorbing hobbies, preferably ones that involve spending at least some time with other people.
- And if your close friends no longer live nearby, schedule time each week to catch up, and maybe arrange a trip with them every so often. It’s amazing how often a dormant friendship can be bought back to life with a few phone/Zoom calls.
2. Work away from home occasionally
If I find my attention wandering, I take my work out for a walk. It’s good to be around people, and it helps me to focus. I don’t have a co-working space anywhere close to me, so I tend to rotate between three local coffee shops and the library, doing about an hour of concentrated work in each before packing up and walking to the next one.
The short walks seem to help me focus on days when my mind is drifting. And that nod of acknowledgement from the other people sitting with a laptop or notebook in front of them is sometimes all I need to feel less alone.
Or you could arrange to meet a friend or two, and work together. I occasionally meet up with other local writers, and we work on the same cafe table in companionable silence, with scheduled breaks to chat.
If you hunker down in one place, choose somewhere that isn’t too busy so you’re not hogging a table they need, and tip well when you leave. That way you’ll always get a big smile from the staff when you come in next time.
3. Link up with others who do the same job
Join your union or relevant trade organisations, and go to meetings. If you live in a city, you’ll probably be able to find freelancers or other writers, artists, musicians, designers or whatever who are already meeting regularly — or would be up for it, if you offer to organise it.
I live in a small town, but our monthly meet-up of women working in creative fields is surprisingly popular — and has led to all kinds of new ideas, connections and collaborations.
Also look for relevant online groups and communities — or create one. It’s reassuring to see that people are having the same struggles as you. And helpful to share strategies to cope with them.
From software recommendations to new ways of finding clients, I get huge value from the online forums I belong to, as a writer and as a coach. It’s amazing how generous people can be with advice and encouragement, to people they’ve only ever met virtually.
The key is to contribute regularly, help when you can, and to be positive. Then when you really are having a bad day and want to share the pain, people will respond.
I’m a regular at the daily Writers Hours hosted by the London Writers Salon, which runs free, hour-long Zoom writing sessions four times a day for writers of all kinds, from all over the world. The 8am UK session is often my most productive hour of the day.
4. Get accountability buddies
If you’re struggling to get something done, it can help to have some sort of accountability. You could team up with a friend, and either work together or have regular check-ins to report your progress.
Or you can link with a stranger, online. There are now a range of virtual co-working spaces where you log on for a certain amount of time, commit to doing something, then get on with it with your virtual partner(s) working on their tasks at the same time.
It shouldn’t work. You can, aftet all, turn your camera off or log out at any point. But it does help you stay on-task. Flow Club, Caveday and Flown offer this kind of virtual co-working with differing degrees of organisation, but if you’re just exploring this idea, Focusmate gives you three free accountability sessions a week.
5. Build your network
There are all kinds of general business networking groups you can join, but it doesn’t always have to be about awkwardly handing out business cards at formal events. Put time aside each month to search for events linked to your field.
Talks, conferences, trade shows, book launches, art openings — they can all be great places to make new contacts, or meet up with colleagues you’ve met online or rarely see.
Virtual meet-ups can also be fun, especially if you’re not near a city or can’t get out of the house. I’m in a couple of monthly groups where I meet with other small business owners on Zoom, to chat about work, and ask for advice or help.
6. Join or form a mastermind group
This can really help if you’re struggling to take your business or career to the next level. You join up with four or five like-minded freelancers, entrepreneurs or people working in your field, to support each other as you all grow.
Meetings should be regular (monthly in my group’s case, and via Zoom as we live in different countries).
We share our wins, then each make a request for help on something we’re tussling with. Everyone else asks questions for a few minutes, then gives advice/solutions. We’ve supported each other through a lot, and it’s also great to share your wins with people who know how hard you’ve worked to get there.
If you’re interested in this idea, here’s how to start one.
7. Get The Creative Companion
My bi-weekly newsletter talks about creative process, our struggles with our work— and shares tools and resources to help.
If you’re feeling isolated, it can help to know that others are facing similar challenges in their creative lives, and that you’re not alone. Subscribe here.
8. Get a mentor (or become one)
It also helps to have someone who has already trodden your path successfully, who is willing to pass on advice, perhaps even contacts. A good mentor is hard to find, but if you’re lucky — cherish them!
If you’re already well-established in your field and someone less experienced reaches out for help — consider it. It can be a time-suck, so choose carefully, and don’t take on too much.
But it can also be so energising to connect with someone who is still full of enthusiasm and ideas, and fun to pass on your own knowledge and experience. Having to explain what you think or teach a skill you know well can also give you new clarity around it.
9. Don’t fall for compare and despair
Social media rarely gives us the connection we crave. Instead, on bad days it’s easy to scroll for hours, comparing our lonely existence and struggling career with everyone else’s exciting social lives and massive success.
It’s all smoke and mirrors, of course. We all curate our feeds. If you pick up your phone, use it to talk to someone you like, instead of looking at their socials. Find people who lift you up, make you laugh, share your struggles. Share real emotions, not emojis.
10. Connect with clients regularly
We should all stay in touch with the people who give us work. Not just to pitch ideas or ask for more work, but also to see how they’re doing, hear what their current challenges are (because you might be able to help with that), find out what’s going on in their world. Schedule regular check-ins if you can, and never miss a chance to attend an event with them, or meet up in person.
If you’re employed by a company but working from home, take every opportunity to connect with your boss, your team members, others from the company.
I live in a small town outside of London, but when I travel up to the capital for work, I often arrange to also fit in a quick coffee, drink or meeting just to say hi. Over the years, some working relationships have turned into firm friendships that have enriched life in all kinds of unexpected ways. But these meetings have also generated work, collaborations, new ideas, great conversations.
Whatever way you choose to connect, the important thing is to do it regularly, and make it a part of your working week. We all feel isolated sometimes, working from home.
So reach out — you’re not alone. It just sometimes feels that way.
These tips are great thank you