I’m late writing this.
In fact for most of this month I’ve felt as if I’m running up the down escalator, using up lots of energy but never getting on top of all I need to do. And if I push myself to go faster, the escalator seems to speed up too, with yet more tasks crowding in.
Perhaps this feels familiar to you, too?
We live in an age of overwhelm.
We all have endless choices, possibilities and options coming at us with ever-increasing speed. As a small example, we’re hoping to get away for the weekend in the spring, to Prague (pandemic permitting, of course).
Twenty years ago, this would have meant checking a guidebook, reading a couple of pages of recommendations, then choosing a hotel. Now, I can see photographs of hundreds of hotels, different rooms inside each hotel, and details of endless private apartments. I can read thousands of guest reviews about the bed, the breakfast, the local area.
I could easily spend more time looking for the perfect room than I will actually spend in it. So I’ve been paralysed for days, scrolling through the options and unable to choose.
There’s no mystery to my current state.
My mum-in-law has been very ill. For the first time since the pandemic, I’ve been getting the train up to London to do face-to-face coaching. And stubbornly, despite these two unexpected things arising, I stuck with my plan to redecorate my study this month.
As I write this, I’m surrounded with paint pots, colour swatches, dust-sheets and piles of books and boxes, and I can see that this wasn’t one of my better decisions.
But it’s where I am. In case it’s where you are, too, here’s what I think helps when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Accept that you’re not a machine
You’re human. And humans need rest, recovery, time to decompress or shift our energy from one task to another. This isn’t something we have to earn, or only get to enjoy when everything else is done. It’s something we need, to function well.
Most of us can’t go straight from our day job/childcare/other responsibilities and into our creative work. Instead, we often end up procrastinating: scrolling social media, guiltily watching TV or doing some other displacement activity that doesn’t really relax us, inspire us or make us happy.
So try building in buffers, transition periods. Go for a workout or a walk after work. Sit in a café for 30 minutes and read, write or daydream after dropping your kids off at school. Learn to find little pockets of space in your day when you can just… be. Without needing to be productive or doing something.
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t work harder. Instead, double down on recovery. Stop. Take some time out. Write a long list of everything you’re worried about, everything you feel you need to do, then work out what can wait, what you can drop completely, what you need help with, what’s genuinely important and urgent – and what isn’t in your control at all. Then choose where to start.
In-box Zero is an impossible illusion
Like so many productivity hacks, it’s a seductive mirage, promising some mythical oasis of peace, calm and control that never comes. Email generates email. The more efficient you get at answering, the more people will email you. The faster you get at executing any work, the more will be added to your load (who gives extra to the slowest person?). The more efficient you are at housework and chores, the higher your standards are for next time.
The truth is, there will never be a point when you are finished, done, complete on everything you need to do. When your home is spotless and uncluttered, your friends and family need no attention, your in-boxes are empty and there’s nothing else to do except focus on your own agenda.
So pay yourself first
I’ve done this for years when it comes to my finances, funnelling money into savings on pay day. Or putting a percentage of each freelance payment into different accounts (for tax, for savings, for professional development, for living expenses – and some for me to spend, guilt-free, on whatever makes me happy). I’ve always seen this as a gift to my future self, and I’m very grateful for that now, as I get older.
It took me much longer to realise I needed to do the same with my time. Now, I write first thing every day. Because writing is the thing that makes me feel like me. Before emails. Before coaching sessions. Before chores. I get a solid hour in every weekday, from 8-9am.
If you have a day job, kids to get to school, or your peak creative energy comes later in the day, the actual time slot doesn’t matter. Even if it’s only 15 minutes a night or a couple of hours on a weekend, it’s about making sure you take time regularly to do your creative work and pursue the interests you want to pursue, rather than waiting for some luxurious stretch of free time to open up – because it never will.
Find some joy every day
Don’t wait until you’re on top of things to relax, to have fun, to allow yourself to smell the coffee or savour your lunch. These are not things you have to deserve or earn. Seek out the good stuff even when you’re busy. Maybe especially when you’re busy.
Even an overloaded day goes better for a chat or a laugh with a friend. Or if you listen to some good music. Take a detour so you can see the first daffodils in the park or check out an interesting gallery or shop. Read for the sheer joy of learning something new or getting lost in a story. Just take a moment to breathe and be present.
I’ve often argued that these things will make you more productive, in the long run. And they will. But we should also just do them because life is short and these are the things that make us happy, make us feel alive.
Just decide!
None of us can do all the things, all the time. We need to make choices. This has become ever more difficult because we all have so many options, and so much information, via social media, that makes it look as if others are leading better, happier, more interesting lives. It helps to remember that those ideal lives are carefully curated: you’re only seeing the edited highlights. Even influencers cut their toe-nails, clean the loo – and have bad days and boring evenings.
Choices have consequences. If you launch that podcast or explore that new direction in your art, maybe the house will be messy for a while. To finish that big creative project, you’ll have to neglect other things. If you want to be fully present with your children while they’re small, you might have to defer launching that new business idea – or at least accept progress on it will be slow. And that’s OK.
And let go of FOMO
But most of all, worrying about making the wrong choice takes time, and energy. So choose a direction, then explore it. Accept that you’ll feel that fear of missing out. Saying yes to something inevitably means you won’t have time for something else. But few choices are irrevocable. If it’s not right for you, then cross it off the list and try something else.
But you’ll learn far more by actually doing than by sitting paralysed, over-thinking. I sometimes meet clients who have been mulling over ideas for a book, film or project for decades, when they’d have learned far more and by jumping in and doing it badly.
So how does this apply to me?
First, I realised that I hadn’t been paying myself first. I’d missed my writing hour several days in a row, and I’d also been skipping my daily walks. Which is why I was feeling so grumpy, behind and generally out of sorts.
In the end, I just booked a hotel in Prague because it looked OK, and was in an area that looked cool and interesting. I’m sure there were better choices. But we’re only staying there two nights. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just good enough.
Then I did some urgent family stuff, and wrote this. I’ve finished painting the walls in my study, but the woodwork can wait. I’ve also postponed a few commitments this week, just to give me space to breathe.
I’m already feeling better. How are you doing, today?
Thanks Sylvia! And do subscribe to The Creative Companion if you want more like this..
So much truth! Thanks for sharing!
Have a great time in Prague